We walked through the night, with no destination but somehow with purpose. We were there because neither of us thought we could be anywhere else. It was a night of introversion, I guess. And yet, the cool, summer air was too sweet and too compelling to keep us inside.
So we wandered until we found ourselves among some trees and enough grass to sprawl out in. And when we got there, that's what we did.
We threw our phones, wallets, and keys to the side and flopped down onto the grass. We looked at the stars that were still visible. The ones that were bright enough to not be erased by the light pollution of the city. We breathed slowly, allowing ourselves to really feel the grass between our fingers and our toes.
I tried to let that sensation and the sweet smell of the cut grass to carry me far away.
I tried to let it change me. To recreate me.
And when that seemed to fail, I tried to let it transform me back into who I used to be.
Who I used to be when?
I don't know. It didn't really matter. Just someone from before.
I think I just wanted to be reminded that some things can change us. And I wanted it to be something as simple as feeling the grass on my barefeet. I wanted that to be enough.
Because I know that people change. But I wonder if it's possible for me to be a dynamic character in my own life story without leaving the country or going through other huge life changes.
I remember a time when it was little things, like freshly mown grass, that would make me feel completely new, completely different.
So we spent some time trying to cartwheel. We caught a few lightning bugs. And we tried climbing lots of trees before finally succeeding.
And then we sat. Our feet sometimes dangling, sometimes resting against the dry, rough bark.
And for a few moments that night I thought we had succeeded.
I thought we had disappeared.
We were without phones, keys, money.
For a moment we were free again.
We were children again.
The sharp contrast under our feet--from the cool, soft grass to the dry, rough bark--was enough to make us feel alive.
And it all felt like enough. It was enough just to be alive, free and together.
